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You know that old saying “Hurt people, hurt people”? Well, in this life we have all known some variance of hurt and pain or anger and frustration. We have not all been equipped to deal with that in the proper ways. Sometimes we let that frustration build to a point where it is a major part of our everyday lives- coloring all of our interactions for better or worse. We don’t seek out help or even worse some of us don’t realize our angry bitter tendencies. My parents used to tell me that there were things you could do in this life to “block your blessings”. Or in other words, Karma. The energy you put out is so often what you receive from the world.
Coming into adulthood, I have come to realize that in so many ways my lack of patience, understanding, or regard for the feelings of other people has been isolating and destructive to so many relationships and opportunities I could have enjoyed or experienced. The first step is always recognizing and acknowledging the problem. So here I am, coming to terms with the consequences of my actions and realizing that I need to take steps to change those habits. I think there is a point in life where the pain and hurt you feel reaches its maximum, and to be quite frank I hope that that’s where I am right now- hopefully everything is up from here. But, it took me until now, until the hurt in my chest was so deep that I could feel it ache in my toes and spread to all the earth around me, to realize that this is how I have interacted with people all my life. I never realized the importance of being actually classically kind, and focused on being right.
So often, I would try to compensate for my lack of kindness through loyalty or generosity and didn’t realize that my denial of the one truly devalued the others into nearly nothing at all. But here I am recognizing the pain I have so casually and continuously extended to others, wanting so desperately to apologize. Yet knowing it’s impossible to take back the actions of my very brief, yet full, life. So, as I grow and understand my effects on others I ask that if I have been that toxic person in your life and if have failed to be kind to you, please forgive me- speak with me and tell me the things I have done to hurt you, as I’ve lived this way for so long that I may have a hard time seeing the anger I extended to you. Bear with me as I experience these growing pains and hold me accountable for my interactions with you.
Gzeonie Hampton is a McConnell Scholar in the Class of 2021. She is studying political science, English, and Arabic at the University of Louisville.