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bell hooks was an American author, educator, social theorist born and raised in Hopkinsville, Kentucky. She wrote several novels and works dealing with subjects pertaining to race, feminism, and class. One of my favorite works by hooks is All About Love: New Visions is which she presents how love exists in modern society. hooks argues that the world we live in has accepted being “loveless,” and ultimately make a call to action to the reader that as a society we need to return to love. Through each chapter she details a different aspect of love. How it currently shows up through that lens, and how we can move forward in love by being actionable in these areas. She remarks that love has often been seen and described as none, but as practitioners of love we would be more successful if we use it as a verb. Love is as love does. Love is a verb.
I have learned several things about myself through this book and it words have reshaped my vision of what it means to love and be loved. I will share some of my favorite quotes and further reflections.
“When I was a child, it was clear to me that life was not worth living if we did not know love. I wish I could testify that I came to the awareness because of the love I felt in my life. But it was love’s absence that let me know how much love mattered.” (Preface, ix)
hooks gives insight into her own childhood, and how it shaped her perceptions of love. Love is first learned in the household. I know for myself, my childhood and upbringing has largely shaped what I know about love, and evening caused to me to reflect on it absence.
“Indeed, all the great movements for social justice in our society have strongly emphasized a love ethic. Yet young listeners remain reluctant to embrace the idea of love as a transformative force.” (Grace: Touched By Love, xix)
hooks makes an observation about young people and our collective cynicism about love. When she speaks about the place of love within social justice, young people were often the main contributors of pushback. This definitely caused me to reflect how I have shown cynicism in love’s ability to be transformative, not just personally but also for the human collective.
“The word "love" is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb.” (Clarity: Give Love Words, 4)
Love is something to be shown in action. It does not simply exist.
“The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth… Love is as love does. Love is an act of will-namely, both an intention and an action. Will also implies choice. We do not have to love. We choose to love.” (Clarity: Give Love Word, 4-5)
To contextualize this chapter of the book, hooks is defining love. Often love is seen as an aloof term that has many meanings or no meaning at all. By clarifying what love actually is we can then be practitioners of love. I love the idea that love is a choice, which means it requires action and intention.
“Undoubtedly, many of us are more comfortable with the notion that love can mean anything to anybody precisely because when we define it with precision and clarity it brings us face to face with our lacks—with terrible alienation.” (Clarity: Give Love Words, 11)
Once a precise definition of love is determined, it causes us to reflect if love is actually present in our lives and certain relationships. No one once to face the possibility that they may be lacking love from people they believe are supposed to love them.
“If we were constantly remembering that love is as love does, we would not use the word in a manner that devalues and degrades its meaning. When we are loving we openly and honestly express care, affection, responsibility, respect, commitment, and trust. (Clarity: Give Love Words, 14)
We throw the word love around without reflecting on its weight. Love is actual practice carries so much more value than we give it credit. Care, affections, responsibility, respect, commitment, and trust are all avenues of love that hooks deals with through the book. They serve as guiding principles for understanding love.
“We learn about love in childhood. Whether our homes are happy or troubled, our families functional or dysfunctional, it’s the original school of love.” (Justice: Childhood Love Lessons, 17)
Love and abuse cannot coexist. There is harmful rhetoric in the culture that people that harm you physically, emotionally, mentally are also loving. Hooks looks at this idea closely through the parent-child relationship. Many times, parent will say certain abusive behaviors “are for the child’s own good.” A culture has not only been created that parents must punish their children in a certain way to parent correctly or even love their children, but it also teaches children that love can be found at the same time as these harmful behaviors. It is hard to embrace a definition of love that causes us to examine even our own families. It is difficult to accept and something I have even had to reflect on personally.
“Without justice, there can be no love.” (Justice: Childhood Love Lessons, 30)
I just really appreciate what this quote represents. I think a definition of justice that includes love, could reshape the framing and culture about what we determine as just within society.
“To know love we have to tell the truth to ourselves and to others. Creating a false self to mask fears and insecurities has become so common that many of us forget who we are and what we feel underneath the pretense.” (Honesty: Be True to Love, 48)
Truth telling plays an important role in love. It is hard to love and be loved when we are keeping up a façade to the outside world.
“We can give ourselves the unconditional love that is the grounding for sustained acceptance ad affirmation. When we give this precious gift to ourselves, we are able to reach out to others from a place of fulfillment and not from a place of lack.” (Commitment: Let Love Be Love in Me, 67)
Self-love and self-esteem affect our ability to love others. Self-love is just as important as loving other people. If we do not treat ourselves with care, respect, and affection we pose the risk of failing to do these things for others.
“My belief that God is love—that love is everything, our true destiny—sustains me.” (Spirituality: Divine Love, 83)
A true image of love is God’s love for me and the world. Just like hooks, I learn the most about love from His word, and ultimately how he charges us to be practitioner of righteous love.
“All the great social movements for freedom and justice in our society have promoted a love ethic. Concern for the collective good of our nation, city, or neighbor rooted in the values of love makes us all seek to nurture and protect that good. If all public policy was created in the spirt of love, we would not have to worry about unemployment, homelessness, schools failing to teach children or addiction.” (Values: Living by a Love Ethic, 98)
What she said. Period.
“…when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone.” (Values: Living by a Love Ethic, 101)
This part specifically resonated with me because my mom has always prayed over my sisters and I that we would be “lights and leaders wherever we go.” Being a light for others allows them to also shine. Being a light relates to the way in which we put love into action. Love should be present in our ethics and morals and ultimately what we produce for the world.
“The emergence of the “me” culture is a direct response to our nation’s failure to truly actualize the vision of democracy articulated in our Constitution and Bill of Rights.” (Greed: Simply Love, 105)
Individualism may be our downfall and, in many ways, has contributed to the erosion of love. hooks uses the reality of greed exhibited with our politics to show how greed also shows up in the way we love others.
“This same politics of greed is at play when folks seek love. They often want fulfillment immediately. Genuine love is rarely an emotional space where needs are instantly gratified. To know genuine love, we have to invest time and commitment. (Greed: Simply Love, 114)
Love is not a get rich quick scheme, or the idea of instant gratification from another person. In order to receive love, we also have to be practitioners of love. This requires time, effort, and commitment. It takes time to cultivate. We cannot be greedy to receive love but stingy to give it out.
“There is no better place to learn the art of loving than in community.” (Community: Loving Communion, 129)
What better way to practice love, than with others. Often how love is reflective of a collective community, also reflect the parts of people within the community. When love begins to wane in an individual It can be felt in the collective. Community gives us a pathway to be practitioner of love through trial and error, and with support.
“Realistically, being part of a loving community does not mean we will not face conflict, betrayals, negative outcomes from positive actions, or bad things happening to good peoples. Love allows us to confront the negative realities in a manner that is life-affirming and life-enhancing.” (Community: Loving Communion, 139)
Community provides the space to move forward even when we face hardship of life. Community is where we turn to for love and find trusted people to help us through challenges. Community helps us to not lose love even when we are struggling.
“To heal the gender war rooted in struggles for power, women and men choose to make mutuality the basis of their bond, ensuring that each person’s growth matters and is nurtured.” (Mutuality: The Heart of Love, 164)
hooks is examining love ability to break down patriarchy and other systems of oppression. Have mutual love for another nurtures and supports the idea that they are valuable. Many of these systems create hierarchy for who is worth more, but love can breakdown these harmful notions and practices.
“The essence of true love is mutual recognition—two individuals seeing each other as they really are.” (Romance: Sweet Love, 183)
Love does not seek to change someone else. Love accepts a person for their whole being. That does not mean we stay the same when we engage in romantic relationship but to love someone is to see them, listen to them, and love who they are truly deep down.
“Understanding that death is always with us can serve as the faithful reminder that the time to do what we feel called to do is always now and not in some distant and unimagined future.” (Loss: Loving into Life and Death, 203)
Tomorrow is not promised so love today. Knowing that life will bring loss and is inevitable can be a tool to cherish our loved ones and love more deeply.
“The practice of loving is a healing force that brings sustained peace. It is the practice of love that transforms. As one gives and receives love, fear is let go.” (Healing: Redemptive Love, 220)
Love is healing. Fear holds us back from loving fully and can inhibit us from receiving love. Hooks refers to scripture “perfect love casts out fear” to signify that perfect love is a redemptive force set of free from fear.
“Being loving does not mean we will not be betrayed. Love helps us face betrayal without losing heart. And it renews our spirit so we can love again. No matter how hard or terrible our lot in life, to choose against lovelessness—to choose love—we can listen to the voices of hope that speak to us, that speak to our hearts—the voices of angels. (Destiny: When Angels Speak of Love, 237)
Love despite fear. Love despite a loveless culture. Love so others will love. Continue to reflect on love and study love. Practice love in action and do not assume it just exists. Love is a verb.
Paighton Brooks is a McConnell Scholar in the class of 2024. She is studying political science and criminal justice at the University of Louisville.