I have always had little rituals I turn to when life feels uncertain. Some of these rituals come from my family and culture, while others have developed over time as I have found my own ways to navigate uncertainty. As I have gotten older, I have started to understand how much my relationship with spirituality has changed. I am learning to move beyond rituals that help me
feel in control and toward practices that help me feel happier and more present in my everyday life.
These are some of the rituals that have shaped my relationship with spirituality over the years.
1. Dishti and the evil eye
One of the first traditions I remember is dishti, the belief that negative attention or envy can affect a person. In my family, it is a way to protect ourselves from the evil eye. After my arangetram, I remember standing outside my house while my family waved salt around me and chanted before allowing me to enter. Before Bharatanatyam performances, I would also put a small black dot on the lower right part of my chin to deflect negative attention. These practices were familiar expressions of my family's love and concern. They taught me that there were things beyond my control, but also that there were ways to feel protected when facing them.
2. Preparing for performances
Before every dance performance, I followed a specific routine. I would shake each limb eight times, then four times, then twice, then once. Performing Bharatanatyam required years of practice, and no amount of preparation completely erased my nerves before stepping onstage. Counting gave me something familiar to focus on, and the familiar jingle of my ankle bells was comforting. It was a small part of the experience I knew how to control, even when the performance itself was unpredictable.
3. Faith during exams
During high school AP exams, I always carried a picture of Sai Baba in my pocket. It reminded me of my faith and the comfort I found in it. I think I was looking for reassurance that I would be okay, regardless of how difficult the exam turned out to be.
One morning during my freshman year, I forgot to grab a copy from my mom so I resorted to a black and white printed picture on 4 sheets of glued printer paper. I saved the passport-sized image as a reminder of my endurance.
As I grew older, I began to recognize how often I turned to rituals during moments of uncertainty. There is nothing wrong with finding comfort in those feelings, but I have also started learning that I do not need to control every outcome to feel secure.
4. Tarot and manifestation
My spirituality has expanded beyond the traditions I grew up with. I enjoy doing tarot readings because they help me visualize the different directions my life might take. I do not see the cards as a guarantee of what will happen. Instead, I use them to reflect on my choices and think about the future I want for myself.
I also believe in manifestation. I like being intentional about what I hope to accomplish and the kind of person I want to become. However, I rarely say my manifestations aloud. Part of me worries that speaking about a wish too soon might somehow prevent it from coming true. I prefer to keep certain hopes to myself while I work toward them. Whether manifestation changes the circumstances around me or changes the way I approach them, I find value in having something positive to work toward.
5. Everyday routines
These days, some of my rituals look much less spiritual. I take my vitamins every morning, check my pockets for my keys before leaving the house, and organize my notes in ways that help me feel prepared. I ask Eileen to pray for me when I feel anxious. When Chealsea and I take long walks home at night, we play Spotify AI running playlists and talk along the way. Anna and I get into a familiar rhythm of speaking Vibe Villa Vernacular English (VVVE) any night we stay up past midnight.
None of these habits would necessarily be considered a spiritual practice, but they contribute to how I feel each day. I am learning that feeling grounded does not always require a special ceremony. Sometimes, it means taking care of myself, spending time with people who make me happy, or creating a routine I look forward to. I have started paying more attention to the small things that make an ordinary day feel better.
6. Returning to familiar advice
In December 2024, I started listening to Date Yourself Instead, a podcast by Lyss Boss that encourages listeners to develop a stronger relationship with themselves. Recently, I found myself returning to it during a similar circumstance in my life. I was looking for some of the reassurance I had found in the podcast before, but listening again also gave me a chance to reflect on how much I had grown since then.
I find the podcast empowering because it reminds me that my happiness is something I have a role in building. I do not have to wait for another person or a particular outcome to feel fulfilled. I can learn to enjoy my own company and set expectations for how I want to be treated.
Listening again has reminded me that growth does not mean you never face the same challenges twice. Sometimes, you return to familiar advice at a different point in your life and find new meaning in it.
7. Continuing family traditions
One of the clearest examples of how my spirituality has evolved is my practice of harathi, a devotional offering of light to a god. Growing up, I watched my mother light a clay lamp filled with oil and a cotton wick. As I got older, she would yell out from her bedroom as I got ready for a big conference or tournament, "deepam veligichu!" prompting me to light the diya myself. Today, I use a battery-powered tea light. Sai Baba, who once sat on the counter next to my parents' kitchen, now sits on the middle shelf of my lamp.
The ritual has changed, but I have chosen to keep it. I remember what my family taught me while finding ways to amend those beliefs into my own life. For me, that is an important part of growing into my own spirituality. I am learning to decide what I want to carry forward and to understand why it matters to me.
Ultimately, I still believe in prayer, manifestation, and the comfort of familiar rituals. I still get anxious about important moments, and I still look for reassurance when I do not know what comes next. But I am learning to approach uncertainty differently. Rather than expecting a ritual to guarantee a particular outcome, I am learning to appreciate how it helps me feel in the moment.
My spirituality has become less about trying to prevent bad things from happening and more about finding ways to live well, even when life does not go according to plan. I am grateful for the traditions my family gave me, the friends who support me, and the practices I have found on my own.
An image lives in my head, of Leo dancing to his favorite in a hotel room at summer retreat. The smile that his lips formed, and the pure joy on his face is a happiness I manifest in my life everyday. The hope is that these practices bring me closer.
I cannot predict every turn my life will take, and I am learning to be okay with that. I can prepare for what lies ahead while still enjoying the life I have now. I can keep a picture in my pocket, ask a friend to pray for me, listen to a podcast on my walk home, or start cutting out
unnecessary words in my sentences at the end of the day. Each practice means something different to me, but they all remind me to make room for hope.
My spirituality is still evolving, and I expect it will continue to change. For now, I am finding happiness in the balance between the traditions I carry with me and the life I am learning to build for myself.
Kruthi Mangamur thiyagarajan is a sophomore McConnell Scholar in the class of 2029. She is
studying bioengineering and political science.
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