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By Celia Cusick
Growing up, I was raised and encouraged to be independent. My headstrongness was a force to reckoned with from an early age. At 2, I decided and proclaimed “I do it myself” regarding dressing myself, which as my mom fondly recounts, led to a couple of mismatched ensembles. We all still laugh at that one. I was lucky enough to have parents that nurtured and encouraged this kind of independence because it taught me some invaluable lessons. It instilled within me grit and strength which are two lessons I am so thankful for having learned.
Recently, I have had the conversation with my mom about why she felt like this was so important for me to learn from a young age. She responded, “I felt like you needed to be stronger because life is harder on girls. I wanted you to be prepared.” At first, I felt a sort of irritation about how unfair it is and seemed-- a sort of righteous anger not at my mom, but at the world. How unfair it is that I had to work harder to get what I wanted. But after sitting with it for a couple weeks, I had a realization that without learning these lessons I would not be where I am or who I am today. Moreover, working harder, though at times unfair and frustrating, made me a better person and for that I am thankful. I still acknowledge that I am privileged in so many other ways and that others have valid, unfair odds to overcome as well. I am so incredibly thankful for having to learn this lesson and because of it I was better prepared for so many times people told me I could not or should not do something.
One time that particularly sticks out is when I was taking calculus-based physics, I was one of three girls in the class and I was struggling. I was not getting the material right away which was frustrating for me because I typically did well in school. After our first test, on which I received the lowest grade in the class, I went to ask a question and was met with the assumption that I would be dropping the course as all the other girls had. I knew right then I could not drop the course regardless of how hard the content was or how badly I wanted to quit. So, I stuck it out, and I worked my butt off to understand the material and at the end of it all, I did well in the course. I know now that if my mom had not raised me not to care what others thought and to stick it out when things got tough, I would have let the instructor persuade me to drop the course and then he would have won. Instead, I showed that instructor that they should never make assumptions about students and that instead should encourage them to work a little harder in the class providing support and resources so that students can succeed. More importantly, I learned not to let other people’s assumptions about you keep you from proving to yourself what you are capable of.
In another instance, I remember someone making a comment about me choosing to do CrossFit. Believe it or not it was a woman, who not surprisingly had no experience with the sport. She made a remark asking if I was worried about getting big. To which I responded, it would be incredible if it were that easy to get super strong. She was shocked by my reply. Thinking back to when this conversation happened, I find myself thankful again for being surrounded by people in life who think it’s awesome when a woman is strong and athletic. I am thankful to have a community of people in my life that understand that bodies are much more than what they look like. People who remind me and that it is amazing to see what your body is capable of and that it is something to celebrate not to hide.
Although, I am so glad and lucky to have had parents who taught me to be strong and to never apologize for being so. I feel a sort of anger that so many other women have to be taught the same lessons. It’s a reminder of how much work is to be done and progress that still needs to be made and not just for women, but for people of multiple identities. Time to get in the game and make some change.
For now, I can say thank you to my mom for teaching me to be stronger. Because of you, the world seems a little bit more mine for the taking.
Celia Cusick is a McConnell Scholar in the Class of 2020. She is studying political science, philosophy, and women and gender studies at the University of Louisville.