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Looking Forward and Looking Back

 By William VonHandorf 


I have been debating between a few topics for my last two blogs at the McConnell

Center, and it has been more stressful than I ever figured this process could be. I thought about

doing a play of Margaret Edson’s W;t, a great work discussing the struggles of death,

professionalism, and self-erasure. I thought about discussing the Alumni conference and

dystopian literature, giving some vision of hope for the future. But, as I have been using this

work as the basis of my graduate school applications, I felt I was focusing too much on the end

of my undergraduate education and that gave me a melancholy feeling, as if I was walking into

the conclusion of something rather than ending it formally and with grandeur. So, I want to use

this time to start the process of closing out my time at UofL by discussing some of my favorite

lessons.


“Oh and I have moved and I've kept on moving/Proved the points that I needed proving/Lost the

friends that I needed losing, found others on the way”-Dougie Maclean, “Caledonia”

As a college student, you are exposed to an entirely new group of people. Some are

ambitious, driven, and encouraging to all those around them. Some are completely lax, lazy, and

have a knack for dragging those around them down to their level. It is not like high school, where

you are surrounded by the same people for four years and you do not know everyone’s personal

business. So, in case no one has ever mentioned this or said it explicitly…It is ok to lose friends

that do not align with who you are or who you are trying to be. If people do not support you and

your goals, do not waste your time. This is not to say they must agree with every decision you

make. Foster relationships that challenge you and get people who help you up when you don’t

live up to your own expectations. College is about growth as much as it is about education, and

anyone who keeps you from either is no friend at all. Find the people who make you better, not

the ones that keep you complacent.


“The content of a lesson is the least important thing about learning…the most important thing

one learns is always something about how one learns.” Dr. John Kleber (and Amusing Ourselves

to Death by Neil Postman)


College was pitched to me as a specialization in education. I know myself and many

others viewed college as a time where we could dive into what we wanted and ignore the things

we hated learning our entire lives. It was not until this year, and in reading Postman’s book, I

realized how awful of a mentality that is. I have never been a stellar STEM student, and I

naturally shied away from it in college. But, as I began to take more statistics and data analytic

courses, I realized the classes you do not like are actually more important than the ones you do. I

learned how to overcome disinterest, how to persevere in the face of struggle and lack of natural

aptitude. I learned more work ethic and more dedication than I had in any class I loved to attend.


So, the best advice I can give on this topic is if a class seems insufferable when you get up to go,

it may just be the most important class you’re taking that semester. There is still a lot you must

learn about yourself, and it may just teach you the most important lessons of your entire college

career. Education is development, it is not meant to be entertaining all the time. Classes will

teach you something when you love it, but when you hate it, it can teach you essential lessons

about yourself.


“I am claiming the right to be unhappy.”-Brave New World by Aldous Huxley

College has a great way of tricking us into thinking that freedom equals unending and

expansive happiness. How can you be unhappy if you get to a) do whatever you want whenever

you want, b) join the clubs and organizations you are passionate about, and c) take all the classes

you find interesting in a specific field? The honest answer is we are human, young, and we desire

great things from our lives, meaning you will not always be satisfied with your life and your

choices. It is ok to be overwhelmed, unhappy, sad, anxious, and every other emotion you will

bounce between depending on the day and the event. College allows you to be extremely happy

and fulfilled but claim your right to be unhappy. Do not disregard your own feelings and

thoughts as they will carry you through the rest of your life and career. It is ok to change your

mind, and sometimes the best way to enact change is by realizing you are unhappy. It is the first

of many indicators that something needs to change, and it is something you can accurately assess

after you take actions to see if they made a meaningful difference. Be proactive, be engaged, and

allow yourself to be unhappy because it may lead you to something more fulfilling and more

meaningful to you in your life.


“If it suddenly ended tomorrow/ I could somehow adjust to the fall/Good times and riches and

son-of-a-b****es, I've seen more than I can recall”-Jimmy Buffett “Changes in Latitudes,

Changes in Attitudes.”


It would not be one of my blogs if I did not mention Jimmy Buffett, so here we are again.

I love these lyrics. As I am approaching my ending at the University of Louisville and in the

McConnell Scholars program, I do feel like I am ready and willing to adjust to the fall. As I look

forward toward a graduate education focusing on literature or a law school education, I know

that I am prepared to move onward. I am not wishing for it to end, but I am satisfied with what I

have accomplished, and I am proud to call these scholars and the people I love my friends. I’ve

had my share of fun and happiness with those communities and I will carry them with me far

past UofL. The knowledge and skills I have gained here are the riches I will carry with me the

rest of my life. As I have learned how to think, analyze, and contribute in a powerful and

meaningful way, I have found new methods of viewing the world and passionate ways to help

others. Finally, I have met many people who I dislike for one reason or another. I have cultivated

a group of friends that challenge me, care for me, and will always help me no matter when and

no matter where. But this took some culling and (as previously mentioned) that is ok and it is the

best thing you can do for yourself sometimes.


As a final note, I think it is the last thought of Jimmy Buffet’s line that I will end with.

“I’ve seen more than I can recall”. That is why I debated about this blog and why I needed to use

these quotes to focus my retrospective. It is hard to remember everything, but I know I’ve done

my best to soak it all in. I am not a fan of the “have no regrets” mentality. Are there things I wish

I could undo or things where I want to change the way they affected people? Absolutely. I am

not proud of those actions, but I am proud I have learned from them. I have been lucky enough to

see so much in such a short time and in such an amazing place. I feel like I have lived many lives

and that I have barely started one at the same time. I struggled, I persevered, I made mistakes, I

made apologies, I laughed, I cried, and there’s still time for me to do all of that again before I

graduate. Looking back, I had a damn good time doing all of it and I hope that mentality never

goes away.


William VonHandorf is a McConnell Scholar in the class of 2025. He is studying political science.