A Case for Spending Time Alone

 By Caroline Bergin

        As some of you may know, I am currently spending a semester studying abroad in Berlin, Germany. It has been great, don't worry, but it has been making me think about what it means to be alone. No one really tells you this about studying abroad before you go, but when you do go, you'll find that there is a lot more potential for alone time; I have an hour commute one-way every day and a different class schedule than my friends, and there are so many things to do all the time that not everyone wants to do, so guess what, when you want to do something, it just might happen that you have to do it alone. That may sound bad, but I'd argue it's not.
        In our society, there is a severe crisis of loneliness. 1 in 5 teenagers and young adults report experiencing persistent, severe isolation and loneliness. If you go online, you'll hear people talking about how it stems from phone addiction and the prevalence of social media, which I think is true, but I don't think it's the whole picture. I would argue these issues are
products of an unwillingness to be alone, which is then fueled by seeing overly curated lives on Instagram and then having the desire to seem popular. Loneliness and being alone are not the same despite what people may think. A lack of contentment in small amounts of solitude is a
problem because if there exists no comfort in being alone with oneself and one's thoughts, then it
is impossible to get to know yourself and become friends with yourself, which, to me, is one of
the most important things a person can do for themselves. 

        I would consider myself to be a relatively self-assured person. I know myself pretty well, and I'd say that I'm even friends with myself. It's a good thing to be. I wasn't always; I also used to really struggle with being alone, and I would personally attribute that to being a large factor in the social stress and anxiety I used to feel because I wasn't comfortable with myself as a person. I won't offer this as a cure-all, but I do think it helped me.

        When you spend time with yourself, without distractions, you are forced to confront your

thoughts and think about who you are as a person. You'll ask yourself: Why do I do this thing?

What are my beliefs? What do I want to be like? You'll also get a bit bored and start talking to

yourself, which, you know, may make you look crazy, but if you talked to yourself by writing in

a journal, people would admire you, so it's fine.

        I think these moments are really important because getting to know yourself will help you

learn to like yourself, and if you get to know yourself and don't like what you see, then you'll

know what you should work on. I find that it also brings more contentment to your life because a

lot of it's going to be lived alone. It's not always easy to make friends, and unfortunately the ones

we do have can't just shrink up and hang out in our pockets 24/7. It's tragic, I know, but it is what

it is, so time to start being friends with yourself. I also find that it helps to build self-confidence;

when you know yourself, it's easier to believe in yourself. I think self-confidence (not hubris,

though) is one of the most important qualities a person can have because it allows you to take

more opportunities, have healthy, good relationships with your friends and partners because you

know what you deserve, and most importantly, I think it helps make you a better person and

friend because you become easier to rely on in all facets of life when you don't rely solely on

others for validation. It also means that you have a constant "friend" within yourself, so it's a lot

harder to get lonely. It'll still happen sometimes, but I think you'll find that it occurs less.

        So this is what I challenge you to do this time around: spend time with yourself (without

distractions; that's important). Try taking 5 minutes in the middle of your day to sit down for 5

minutes with your thoughts and just let them exist. Ask yourself a question a day about yourself

and ponder it a bit. Or if you are feeling really brave, take yourself out for lunch or dinner and

don't sit on your phone. I promise people watching is fun, and if you think it's boring, then you

are boring (just kidding, kinda). It will take time, just like making friends in real life takes time,

but I promise it will be beneficial, even though it definitely won't fix all your problems, because

you are your only guaranteed friend for life. So try it. Be a little brave. I know you can do it!

Caroline is a McConnell Scholar at the University of Louisville in the Class of 2028. She is studying political science.