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| Victoria Allen, Class of 2016 |
When I say minority, keep in mind that I am referring to my specific status, that is to say not wholly one race, majority or otherwise. I am beige, and as such, I serve as the personal liaison between the histories of my Blackness and Whiteness. I am not interested in discussing the current racial climate or social issues, but rather mitigating the historical dialogue between those two parts of myself. As I confessed earlier, this is born from the intersection of personal interest and academic discovery.
When I first began my foray into American studies, I came upon the debilitating reality that for the most part, to be of African descent in the United States means to trace your history back to the same place: Slavery. This created dissonance with the other half of my history, as now I was looking at the scenario as cause and effect, meaning that while in one hand I was holding a veritable dead end, in the other I held the perpetrator. Too often we are asked to speak on behalf of a group that we are part of, but what if we hold membership in opposing groups?
The timeline of my particular interests begins in the post Civil War Confederacy, and proceeds to the Southern contemporaries of today. As a minority woman, to say the least this is an odd course of study; some would go so far as to call it distasteful and absurd, and indeed they have. I will be the first to admit that my fascination with this region and time has sprung from an unorthodox place, my quest to understand my role in the American story. Alexis de Tocqueville referred to people in my position as “half-breeds,” which is not wholly flattering. But though his terminology is repugnant, his point is valid: they are the natural arbiters between the races, as they are the culmination of both.
As I have accepted this role, and encourage others in similar positions to do so as well, there are also consequences. Whereas before I had always sided with one, picked a team if you will, I am now embracing my decision to choose to be beige, the closest color to my skin tone. This decision is tantamount to announcing guerrilla warfare, as I have spurned both sides in order to learn about both and their history in relation to each other. I have been called a "nigger" and an "Uncle Tom" in equal measure throughout my adolescence and young adulthood, leading me to the conclusion that this is the only course of action. If forced to choose I cannot win. I cannot be comfortable with what I study if I insist on choosing a side, and I cannot be comfortable with my personhood either.
I call this progression, from fledging history student to recreational historian, the birth of The Renegade Minority. This is the persona I have adopted as I proceed with my studies and the beginning of my adult life. I no longer toe the party line for any of the races I possess.It is important to keep in mind that this is a holistic approach. The duality of this mindset is how I will be approaching my looming thesis and further studies post undergraduate, as well as my role as an American. This is not a declaration of war, but a declaration of self.
Victoria Allen is a junior McConnell Scholar from Bowling Green, Ky. She is studying political science, history, and women and gender studies.