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| Phillip Lentsch Class of 2018 |
College is a funny thing. In a span of four short and tumultuous years, we are taught how to live on our own in order to smoothen the transition into the real world and our respective careers. Some thrive in an environment that builds off of ideas and shared knowledge; others struggle. I have teetered between the former and the latter for quite some time.
This is not to say that my college experience hasn’t been rewarding---it completely has. I have made lasting friendships and developed relationships with faculty that have made me a better and stronger individual. I have learned how to come out of my shell and appreciate the fact that there are always people I can learn from.
However, with these recent discoveries have also come new conflicts. Coming into my first year of college, I was chock-full of pride and laziness, so much so that I took my scholarship and the potential I had for granted. My general sense of direction would veer off to whatever distraction I found for the day, and I lost the chance to seize on the opportunities that a freshman should take. I was unmotivated, unsure, and unimaginative. Things just weren’t panning out.
Midway through my sophomore year was when I drew a line in the sand. I can’t exactly pin down what happened, but one conversation with my Papou (Greek translation of grandfather) over winter break has resonated with me ever since:
“Phillip, I see in you a man that could hold the world at his fingertips if he wanted to. You have been given so much: a family that loves and supports you and the ability to learn from teachers every single day. Yet you drown out whatever optimism you may hold for the fear of failure, and it is your biggest mistake to date. Do not be discouraged by those you consider to be wiser or better than you---if you are the smartest person in the room, you’re in the wrong room.”
I still remember that conversation out on the beach. It was New Year’s Eve: fireworks were illuminating the night sky and bottles of champagne were being passed around like playing cards. It’s moments like these that we find little tidbits of genius that can turn our worlds upside down. My Papou, a man that has lived so much life and seen pain and sorrow in forms that I will never be able to comprehend, was spitting the truth unlike any poet or preacher I had ever heard.
Ever since that night, something has been different. Yes, I am still the same college kid that probably hasn’t gotten an optimal amount of sleep and still likes to wear skinny jeans from time to time. But there’s been a change in me that I can’t tangibly identify. While I do consider myself rather young to be having visions of what I want to do in 20 years, the picture has been looking clearer as of late. I’ve been eating healthier, writing more, reading the news like a religion, getting more involved on campus, waking up earlier, and forming a general idea of what my purpose is in this life.
I have found that all it takes is a small reminder of our self-worth to get us back on our feet again. In my case, I needed a formal ass-kicking from a family member that I look up to. But regardless of the circumstances, I have trained myself to ignore whatever demons may flood my head and try to convince me that I am insignificant. It’s not worth listening to.
This blog goes out as a token to anyone that is struggling with themselves internally. I apologize for ranting about my existential crisis and not talking about something intelligent/world-shattering. Sometimes, reflection is all that we need.
Phillip Lentsch is a sophomore McConnell Scholar at the University of Louisville. He studies political science, English, and anthropology.