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| Isaac Feinn Class of 2019 |
I encourage you to read that fine article before continuing
with this one. Essentially, the author calls for society to give equal, or “if
not more” praise to women for moving up the ladder of success than starting a
life-long commitment to another person. I disagree; the magnitude of the latter
can surpass that of the former, for both women and men.
Think about it. Promotions, job landings, or academic
success result from a resume of accomplishments. Getting married, however, is a
decision often based on a resume of virtues. Hardly do two people marrying out
of love state their reasons for choosing their partner as that one time they
increased profit by 4%, or nailed that biology test. Lovers choose their
partners based on character and the depth of their relationship.
If I interview for a
job, I’m going to quaff my hair, iron my best suit, bring my pristine and
coveted resume, and make sure I show off my manufactured superlative-self. If
I’m lucky, I’ll get hired because I’m “perfect for the job.” But in a
relationship, two lovers learn the other’s true self over time, and quite often
the acceptance of another’s imperfections
makes them just right for each other. How bold it is to still choose someone
after seeing them at their worst. Better yet, how worthy of praise is it to love someone after seeing their faults?
You don’t show your partner your resume to get married; you peel
back layers of yourself till you reveal your heart. People should not treat
marriage as some willy-nilly thing. In big, bolded letters the author of the
article says, “You don’t have to have a brain…to get married. You just have to
have a willing partner” – as if that’s somehow an easy prerequisite. If two
lovers intend to abide by the covenant of marriage, then revealing their heart
to each other to decide if that’s what they want for the rest of their life can be monumentally more difficult than an
artificial interview.
A career promotion is temporary, whereas a marriage commitment,
theoretically, lasts permanently. Do you say, “till death do us part” when accepting
a new job position?
Both investments require different commitments, and
consequentially deserve different amounts of praise.
Society applauds getting married more than career successes
because it is an enduring commitment to love an imperfect person, based on
virtues and not accomplishments. On their deathbed, people don’t ask for their
resume to be brought to them; they ask for the comfort of their loved ones. Although
career achievements do deserve praise, we elate when someone gets married
because they choose to invest in that very comfort they’ll want holding their
hand in those last moments.
Additionally, the author of the article argues that women
receive unequal praise during the process of marriage. Now, I understand that
in previous generations most women have needed to marry in order to garner
stability. However, this no longer applies; the author points out that women
contribute a fundamental share in the world’s responsibilities, and this has
positively changed the social climate of respect for women.
Although society has not quite yet established men and women
as equals, the topic of disproportionate praise is not solely a female phenomenon.
Men and women alike receive euphoric applause because the commitment to marry
someone introduces a milestone that can be equally monumental and joyous.
People praise what others deem important to them. If a woman treats her job as
the most important aspect of her life and a man conveys getting married as his,
then in this case the man should receive larger amounts of praise upon
announcing his engagement.
When my brother-in-law proposed to my sister a couple years
ago, they could not have been happier about the decision. People knew of their
desire to get married, and when they did, the congratulations they received
flooded their lives proportionally. People wanted to congratulate what they
knew meant the world to my sister and her husband.
The author may have a point: marriage might not be an accomplishment. I would not use that
word either. Career successes count as accomplishments, and deserve praise; but
marriage is more than just an accomplishment, and deserves more than the
average amount of praise. So the next time your friend gets a job promotion, certainly
show excitement for their success. But if they commit to share their life with
someone, make sure to open that extra bottle of champagne.
Isaac Feinn, of Louisville, Ky., is a sophomore studying biology and political science.