On Finding My Own Happiness

Diana Lalata
Class of 2017

“So, are you planning on going to law school?” is perhaps one of the most commonly asked questions when I tell people I am a McConnell Scholar studying political science at the University of Louisville. And each time I would prepare to answer, my mind would go into a sort of panic as it pushed me to say, “Yes, but I just don’t know where yet,” while in all honesty, my heart sunk at the thought of entering law school directly after my undergraduate career. This internal battle frequented my college experience, especially when choosing to apply for certain programs/internships, as well as deciding which organizations I wished to dedicate my time and efforts to. I was constantly searching for a solution to settle this struggle once and for all, constantly asking McConnell Scholars Program alumni and visitors just exactly why some chose law school and if they were truly happy with their decisions. Their responses would be similar, perhaps something along the lines of “I knew I wanted to be involved in public service and I have always had a love for the law.” Reflecting on these answers, I would ask myself: what if I knew I wanted to be involved in public service, but didn’t particularly love the law?

Eventually I found myself in Dr. Gregg’s office towards the end of my sophomore year, asking him this same question which I saw as the root of my mid-undergraduate career crisis. I remember sitting with a cup of hot tea and a jar of red, pink, and white M&Ms, while Dr. Gregg sat opposite me and asked that daunting question: “So, are you planning on going to law school?” I sipped on my tea while my mind raced yet again--no, yes, maybe … I don’t know. How was I supposed to know? Then, I finally responded with a resounding, “I’m not sure.” Expecting Dr. Gregg to be shocked at my indecision, I was pleasantly surprised that he remained just as calm as he was before and simply said, “Okay, well, think about it like this. What’s going to make you happy?”

At the time, I didn’t quite understand the weight of his second question. I had pondered over what made me happy in that moment, small things such as being able to sit down with my scholarship director and eat old Valentine’s Day candy from that small glass jar. However, as a sophomore with entirely too much to handle, attempting to balance internships, classes, and on-campus involvement, all while making sure I was being a good friend, sister, daughter, and human being, I did not have much time to really reflect on what made me happy on a daily basis and what would make me happy in the future. I had spent so much time worrying about the first question of going to law school or not, which I thought to be the most important of them all, and failed to realize that it didn’t mean as much if I wasn’t clear on the larger question of what guided my own happiness.

I walked out of that office knowing what I needed to work on. I opened doors to new opportunities, some offered by the McConnell Center, such as interning as a Junior Fellow at the Library of Congress in Washington, D.C., and others from a spirit of adventure and curiosity, venturing to Spain the fall semester of my junior year and teaching for Breakthrough Collaborative in Cincinnati the summer before my senior year. I learned much about myself and the people and world around me, simply by doing things that made me happy instead of worrying about whether I was doing the “right things” to get into law school. I soon realized I actually did not even want to go to law school, certainly not directly after finishing my bachelor’s degree.

Coming to terms with this decision was and still can be difficult, especially since I came into college so sure that I had my entire life figured out. The reality is--we can think we know what we want to do or who we want to be, but we also change interests, find different passions, and grow as individuals. Now whenever I am asked, “So, are you planning on going to law school?” my mind doesn’t freak out because my heart knows better. To answer the question I always hoped to avoid, I may or may not plan on going to law school in the future, but I do not know where exactly life will take me. Things are always changing, but I know I can find consistency in thinking back to Dr. Gregg’s question of what makes me happy and as of right now, my joy is in the classroom developing relationships with the bright students who I have the honor of meeting and sharing our love for learning.

Diana Lalata, of Louisville, Ky., is a senior McConnell Scholar studying English, political science, Spanish, and social change.