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By Emma Lawson
At the conclusion of my senior year of college, and for my last blog as a collegiate McConnell Scholar, I have decided to write on a topic that I have been wrestling with but never knew how to articulate properly. I am thankful that I now have some grasp as to explain this conception that I hope resonates with some of you.
This semester, I began the accelerated master’s program for political science at the University of Louisville. This decision did not come lightly and was a decision that I knew would put the next few years of my life into a specific trajectory. As I “zoomed” into the first graduate course I was enrolled in this semester, my professor made this short statement before we began with content, “In this course, I am going to assume you know nothing…” (in relation to the content of data analysis). While a very general statement, I found myself writing this comment down at the top of my notebook, and after reflection, knew this to be exactly what I have been trying to justify to myself and to others.
As I mentioned, the decision to enroll in the accelerated master’s program for political science was not an easy resolve. For those who claim to “know” Emma Lawson would proclaim that I have my life planned out to the detail for the next five/ten/however many years. But what I argue for those who “know” Emma Lawson, or “know” your best friend, “know” your family members, or “know” an acquaintance that you are friends with on social media – assume you know nothing about them.
The year 2020 has proven to be difficult for everyone. I can only speak to the difficulties of a privileged college senior who has tried to navigate entering the “real world.” While I have been extremely thankful for the many opportunities I have been blessed with during this time, I have made several concrete decisions that for those who “know” Emma Lawson might be shocked to learn. Nothing damaging at all to my future prospects, but decisions that for people who are waiting with a checklist of my presumed decisions – those that “know” where I am to be for the next five/ten years - would be left with a list of unfulfilled opportunities.
It has been difficult to approach an individual with expectations about my life and say, “No, that is actually not what I am going to do.” or “Yes, I am still putting priority to my academics even though I am engaged to be married.” The assumptions one makes about your life with mere circumstantial or hearsay evidence can be damaging to one’s self-esteem. I have a high regard of myself, but other’s criticisms have not “rolled off my back” as easily as they once have – all because I am creating my own expectations for my life and establishing priorities that are not found within young academia for my generation.
Now, this is not a call for people to not keep up with my life or anyone else’s, no matter what the reason. This is a charge for a more understanding society that recognizes that what you think you “know” about someone could have changed or could frankly be a misunderstanding of the truth. I have taken the approach to assume I know nothing about what someone else is going through within their own life. This small change has made for more special and enduring relationships and encounters that I have with others. I have recognized the power in growth, forgiveness, and grace – all practices that I would love to see re-instilled properly through my generation and those to come.
I believe that life should not be taken for granted, and that we must do what we are called to do. Some call it a passion, others call it their conscience; I call it living for my God who gives me a purpose, no matter the external expectations from those who “know” about my life.
While college has been difficult, it has allowed me possibilities to craft my future and skillset in a way that is best for me. By assuming I know nothing, figuratively about myself and about others, I have begun the journey towards self-discovery that proves for a very restorative future.
Emma Lawson is a McConnell Scholar in the class of 2021. She is studying political science and communications at the University of Louisville.