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There is a belief that fear does not exist in isolation or is simply an individual moment captured in time where the soul and body face something it has not experienced up until that point. And just for a fraction in time, it gazes on the prospect that the current known reality will shift into some twisted black void of nightmare. That fear is more than just a moment of existentialism. That fear, like other things, exists in stages.
1. Imagination
The mind carries the truth of reality, you see what is around you via your senses, however there is a limitation to what you can know at any given moment. You don't know what could happen in the next five seconds, and you most certainly don't know what could happen in the next five minutes. The only thing you can do is imagine what those moments could be like, but the longer the time disparity between the current reality that you do know and experience to the moments you will have to experience exponentially creates an increased number of possibilities. From the possibilities, imagination runs wild in the presence of unknowing .
I did not know what he was going to say when I passed him, I did not know he was going to say anything at all. In the moments before crisis, there was no reason to suspect anything at all. You only become suspicious when the potential for despair stares at you. The mind passively exists in a state of thinking that somehow some way you exist outside the statistics.
“You never know who is gonna come out from hiding, they come from the bushes”. My eyes wandered, left, right, the sight of open roads and apartment complexes filled my vision and yet with that there was nothing to see. I turned to see the face of the voice. “I don't know who is saying all of that.” “Some people are crazy, you know”
Just keep moving, I thought. There was a presence I could not identify, I scanned around just to find myself to be alone with the voice, with the only accompaniment being the passing cars. I turned to the road and tried to keep moving, “They are all around us”
2. Fear
And just like that chaos had identified itself, there was no one else there, chaos was the “They” that claimed itself to be “us”, and from there, I was beyond imagination, Fear had set in.
“Are you ready to die?” The fibers in my body now pulled themselves away from each other as my spine felt an electric shiver. “Fear is the obstacle to learning, but fear is your best friend. Fear is like a fire, if you learn to control it, you let it work for you. If you don’t learn to control it, it’ll destroy you and everything around you.” - Mike Tyson
Fear is not inherently bad, it is primal a natural instinct gifted to mankind from a higher order whether that be through a God or the fundamental laws of nature by evolution., Fear is knowledge. And just like any knowledge the reward from mastering such is great. However, fear evokes an empty feeling that nothing else can. When students go to primary school to learn something like mathematics, there may be love, there may be hatred, however despite those you can be taught by an educator, you can study its fundamentals. Fear is different, there is no way to learn fear but to truly experience it and it's cold touch, the only educator is chaos.
3. Paralysis
“You better run” I've been running all my life. Running through open fields, through rivers, up mountains. From where I come from, running is in my blood, so why then when I needed it was my blood still. Why then when the chaos of life demanded that I run was my body not able. “You don't belong here. I'll kill you boy”
4. Remember
I do not know what of these memories I have just written to you are real. I don't know which ones are the creation of the times I have relieved this scene in my mind. There is a truth to my experience, there is the fear, there is the feeling of paralysis. When my heart forgets how to beat, and the blood that flowed through my body just as it would any other night feels still.
Fearlessness carries with it a level of ignorance of the true danger of the world. It's there to ground you to reality, to be fearless there is nothing of true value in the world to you. If you are truly fearless, you have nothing. If you did have something, there would be the most primal fear, the fear of loss.
My biggest mistake is that I was fearless, but with an extra layer of stupidity in that I am aware of what I have, but how much I truly valued it was not apparent till I felt like I was close to losing everything I have ever had and, worse to me, everything I ever will have.
Instead of the fearlessness that in some parts of society places an expectation on men and women to have from a young age, we should be taught to be courageous. Courage is not the absence of fear, but the strength to confront and overcome it. It is the unwavering determination to stand up for one's beliefs and values in the face of chaos. True courage is born from a deep well of resilience and inner conviction, an understanding of what one can lose but standing persistent. It is a quality that inspires and uplifts, reminding us that in the darkest moments, we can find the light of bravery within ourselves. Courage is the driving force that propels us forward on the path of progress, and it is a testament to the indomitable human spirit.
Robel Schwarz is a McConnell Scholar in the class of 2027. He is studying computer science and political science at the University of Louisville.