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| Bridget Kim ('19) |
At the point that I write this, I have been traveling for four weeks with five left to go. From Oxford to London to Shanghai and now to Xi'an, an important realization for me has been the difference between active and passive traveling. In the UK, our group of sixteen strong, led by clear authority figures, allowed my mind to periodically wander and float along the stained glass dreamscapes of the churches without much fear of losing anyone or myself. In China, our smaller group of eleven faces fiercer complications, some of which are the expected cultural differences, while others involve the social dynamics within the group itself. I feel foolish for coming to a country without speaking a lick of the language; this means every moment of interaction requires absolute and intense attention to details, body language, social context. A blessing and a curse.
For me, active traveling requires a fairly consistent mental willingness to make decisions and a flexible understanding of boundaries for yourself and others. Every moment in the pressure cooker of travel is an opportunity for the best or worst thing to happen. I take for granted that even when I am home, I have the choice to travel actively or passively through my life. The challenges of China simply amplify the scale of opportunity. Never did I expect my peanut allergy to teach me so many lessons about being fully present, but this country has proven the value of having physical limitations that provide self-reflective insights. One thing that I have learned is that my personality naturally includes a desire to accept whatever people offer me, particularly if they appear passionate about it. Whether it is a physical offering of food or an emotional stream of criticisms, I am inclined to be an enthusiastic receptor. This is laughably dangerous. Between the two cities we've been to so far, I've had four allergic reactions. I'm thankful I had the means to deal with those situations, and I'm also begrudgingly thankful that each reaction has shown me a multitude of things to improve about myself. And that's what I'm really loving about being in China: I am tested and testing every moment of every day. A year ago, that would have exhausted me; today, I am invigorated.
Sometimes your eyes are bigger than your mouth, so you have to shut both for a little while. Sometimes you get exhausted asking if a food will kill you sixteen times a day, so you just eat a box of moon pies as a substitute. Sometimes (actually all the time) you get mistaken for a Chinese student and have people rapidly talk to you for approximately two minutes before they understand you are clueless, and you learn to embrace the subsequent shock of the strangers who tell you that you must know Chinese because you look Chinese. Sometimes you try to buy a can of Sprite at a convenience store, but because you don't speak the language, after five minutes of confused gesturing you have a conversation that goes like this:
"You cannot buy can."
"I cannot buy the can?"
"Can't can."
"But can bottle?"
"Can bottle, can't can."
"Okay, can do."
Sometimes you wipe out on a tandem bike with one of your best friends and you can't sleep on your left side because your body is mad at you, but you still climb a mountain a couple days later because "you will enjoy a greater sight by climbing to a greater height."
This trip is literally made up of the highest peaks and the lowest valleys. I have had to learn what I physically and mentally "can" and cannot handle, and that involves a regular and diligent assessment of what I'm putting inside my body and surrounding it with. Simplified assessment so far: peanuts bad, mountain good. That does not mean you can't ever be a passive member when you're afforded the chance; you can be actively present without actively participating in every moment. Whatever coping mechanisms are necessary during stressful times, use them, but I have been operating under the principle that I will never get the chance to do these exact things with this exact group of people. Don't go nuts in Shanghai, but still taste as much as you can.
Bridget Kim, of Morehead, Ky., is a member of the McConnell Scholar Class of 2019. She studies political science and theater arts at the University of Louisville.