.png)
 |
| Gzeonie Hampton ('21) |
Coming into the McConnell Scholars Program I was as nervous as any other incoming freshman, but over my time scouring the website I noticed something that I felt like most of the other scholars wouldn't notice or wouldn't bother them. There is a small number of black students in the program, and the program's retention rate for black students is really low. By far, people that look like me don't seem to stick around. Now, this isn't me trying to drag the program. This blog is just an account of my fears and experiences.
So, on interview day I went in knowing that I would be one of just a few black students… Yes, I counted–there were three out of the thirty interviewed candidates. Sadly, I initially viewed the other black students less like friends and more as the people with whom I was really in competition. Eventually, I ended up in interview sessions with both of them, and by the end, I felt inadequate and like they were the much better candidates. I went home afterward, and all I could talk about were Sungani and Dennis. A short while later, I found out that we had all gotten in and realized that I was thinking of the entire process in the wrong way. Sadly, Sungani declined the scholarship and went off to NYU
By this time, I'm still terrified, and my parents are excited but extremely wary of the program. The name obviously carries some connotations. I go to Retreat and the first day or two are exclusively freshmen so I think things can't be that bad. I had never realized how much truth was in the question "Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria?". I went to a diverse high school (because of its proximity to a military base), but even then, I hadn't successfully incorporated a lot of white people into my inner circle. Becoming a member of a group of mainly white people–that was more than just a weekend or some other brief period- was a difficult concept for me.
When all of the upperclassmen scholars arrived at the retreat, I was shocked to hear whispers that one of the few other black students in the program had dropped. It's Day Two or Three and one of the scholars who is also a person of color talks to me in private about how sometimes the program may be a little harder for me because I am a woman of color, which is in some ways true. And maybe a few other people mention how some of the content of the program isn't always going to be geared toward black people or women and that my experiences aren't always going to be taken into account. To be fair, the program is operated by white people, so our experiences are likely to be different. I don't think I've ever felt like anyone went out of their way to exclude me but to say that I've always felt a part of the group or like things that I value are of value the Center would be dishonest. No one has ever tried to make me feel like this, and the other scholars work hard to include me.
I had an outstanding experience with my first pageant on campus, and the center was there in full support. The pageant was operated by a historically black, divine nine fraternity. A lot of the isolation or pressure that I felt was caused by people outside of the program. Between my family's disinterest in some of my experiences regarding people that they disagree with and feel disenfranchised by, random people who see me with my name tag on or wearing center affiliated gear who feel like they should be able to question my blackness, and the questions I get about why I didn't apply for a minority-focused mentored scholarship- it's hard.
Back to the discussion of retention, this past semester another black student dropped, and again I wondered why is it that we don't last here? My concern inspired me to ask, and it turns out the rate of black students who apply are low. I don't have the answer to the issue, but I intend to finish just as I started–a Black McConnell Scholar.
Gzeonie Hampton, of Radcliff, Ky., is a member of the McConnell Scholar Class of 2021 at the University of Louisville. She studies political science, English and Arabic.