The Burden of Leadership, or a journey into the mind of an over programmed 20 year old who is trying to survive
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flowing into their souls. Their eyes locked on you. The power that comes with the skill to change minds and alter hearts coursing through your veins.
The feeling of euphoria as the adrenaline fades in the moments after a victory. A game, an award ceremony, a trivial competition – the framework becomes irrelevant once competition becomes the basis. Days, weeks, and months of preparation flick through your mind as your eyes rest upon the result of the work. Sleepless nights lose meaning on days of glory.
2 am. Sitting in an office taking notes, making plans, seeing visions of the time laying before you. The only question taking hold in your mind – how can this be better? Some unnamed weight resting upon your shoulder, urging you to work harder. Who else is going to do it? The mistakes that have yet to reveal themselves gnaw at the edges of your mind. Question. Revise. Question. Revise. The far-off carrot of actually making a difference dangles just outside of arms reach, but well within temptation’s field.
There are a certain cohort of individuals who cannot help but to take on every burden that comes their way. They simply cannot say no; the temptation of Leadership is too powerful a drug to resist. A siren call sings inside them, a flame that feeds on responsibility and is stoked by achievement. An outsider may call them an egomaniac; a critic may say they are setting themselves up for failure; a friend may say they are overworked. These thoughts are not but a breeze, flickering the flame but never putting it out. The Leader must feed the flame day after day, for it is the source of their warmth – the life force that keeps them going. They know no other path. Forcing them to be a bystander is to force the lion to eat grass, to ask the bird to swim, the tide to stop its course. It goes against their very nature to rest on the sideline while others spring into action. Rest is a foreign concept to the anxious soul.
Leadership is not a well-lit path, nor is it paved strictly with moments of joy. It is a long and arduous journey made up of more spectators than companions. It is easy to criticize the people at the front; it is much harder to make decisions. The Leader must be willing to have their actions questioned, their capability challenged, and their character condemned. Their happiness must not be found in their own glory, but in their impact. The measure of a leader is not in the success they experience, but in the legacy they leave behind them. They carry the weight of the people that they represent, the histories of their organizations, and the burden to build for the future.
They say that the top of the mountain is a lonely place, and that is what the mantle of leadership can become. If a leader is unable to ask for help, how can they claim to help those around them? Vulnerability is one of the greatest assets of a leader, but one of the most difficult practices. Balance is nearly impossible to find when you feel as if you are a pitcher that only pours, but is never filled. Yet it is the unbalanced scale that offers false measurements, as the unbalanced leader may offer poor guidance.
In conclusion, leadership is hard. There is no feeling more rewarding, nor more draining. It is a heavy burden to carry, but one that is almost impossible to sit back down. I like to think myself a leader. I like to think that I am motivated by the right things, but sometimes I think the burden outweighs the benefit. In those moments, I try to remember both the leaders that came before me and the people that I get to serve, but I wonder if in remembering them, I am quite possibly forgetting myself.
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Bryson Sebastian, of Louisville, Ky., is a member of the McConnell Scholar Class of 2024 at the University of Louisville. He studies political science and history at the University of Louisville.