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*TW: Discussions of violence, assault, victim-blaming*
“Don’t go out after dark alone.”
“Always be aware of your surroundings.”
“Learn self-defense.”
“Hold your keys between your fingers when walking alone at night.”
“Safety in numbers.”
“Always protect your drink.”
“Fill up your car with gas before sunset.”
“Always make sure your phone has a charge.”
“Park in well-lit areas.”
“Do not park next to vans or large vehicles.”
“Always look in your backseat.”
“Lock your car door immediately after getting in.”
“Carry pepper spray.”
“Make sure your friends and family have your location.”
“Wherever you are, be aware of exits and escape routes.”
“Change up your routine.”
“Only wear one earbud.”
“Avoid putting your hair in a ponytail.”
“If an object is left on your car do not touch it or remove it until you have reached a safe place.”
“Don’t wear clothing that is too revealing. Don’t ask for it.”
“Always look under your car from a distance before approaching it.”
“She shouldn’t have been running alone in the dark…”
…
After the recent kidnapping and murder of Eliza Fletcher in Memphis, Tennessee it has sparked a recurring conversation about the precautions women are told to take to protect themselves from predators. After this atrocity occurred, many took to social media to criticize her choice to run in the early hours of the morning when it was dark. Almost to insinuate “she should have known better” than to put herself in harm’s way. To my surprise, many of these comments came from other women. Eliza Fletcher was a wife, a mom, a daughter, a teacher, and an avid runner, and she did not deserve to die because she ran alone in the dark. I am not a runner, but I am a woman. It is ingrained in us from a young age the precautions we must take to avoid the possibility of being victimized.
As a society we have decided that it is inevitable that women will be victimized, yet we perpetuate the rhetoric that if women just take all the proper precautions, then we will be able to avoid something happening to us. When a woman is victimized, it is immediately called into question what actions she took to avoid victimization even going so far as to use the way she dresses or presents herself as possible reasons for being assaulted. Victim-blaming culture is harmful for several reasons, but it is specifically problematic because it ostracizes the victims rather than hold the offenders accountable. What does this say about us as a society that we are willing to put the burden on women to do everything to stay safe, instead of teaching people to not prey on women.
The funny thing is women can do all the things to stay safe and are still victims to crime. Women are victimized in broad daylight. Women are threatened, cat-called, and harassed in groups of multiple people. Women and girls are victimized in short skirts and long skirts, revealing or modest clothes, heels or sneakers, hair up or hair down, and the list goes on. Most people take daily precautions to be safe, but it is no secret the disproportionate expectation for women to factor in a multitude of things to ensure they make it home, to work, to travel, to church, to a date, to go on a run. The standards that society places on women to avoid advances and dangerous situations emphasizes how little we respect women, and how much we enable a culture of violence against women.
Women do listen to the tips and tricks and advice to stay safe. We carry the protection, we stay in when it’s dark, we stay alert to our surroundings, we park in well-lit areas, we change our routine, we run with a partner. We take the steps to be less at risk to be harassed, threatened, and victimized, but it is not simply up to us. We can do all the things right and still fall victim to a perpetrator. Safety is important, but the messaging is problematic. As a society we need to re-evaluate the language we are using surrounding victimization. Messaging that is centered on holding the offender accountable, supporting, and uplifting the victims, and offering ways forward would do a world of good in making sure women feel seen and heard instead of their experiences being blamed on things that they ultimately cannot control.
On September 2nd at around 4:20 am Eliza Fletcher went for her 8.2-mile run. She never got to finish, but women all over the country are finishing the run for her in support of her life. This is the messaging that empowers women to band together and stand up for one another. Women deserve to live their lives without fear of the things that could happen, and they deserve to run at any time of day. I am praying for healing for Eliza’s family, the community of Memphis, and for all women that relate to her story. I hope as a society we don’t just emphasize the things we need to tell women, but how we can support them and stand with them against violence.
Paighton Brooks, of Alexandria, Ky., is a member of the McConnell Scholar Class of 2024 at the University of Louisville. She studies political science and criminal justice.