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By Christian Dempsey
Growing up, I thought that leadership was about always having something to say. I
thought that successful communication meant speaking clearly, and making sure that my voice
was always heard. Listening, for me, felt like a chore; something you did while waiting for your
turn to talk. My dad used to remind me, “Christian, you have two ears and one mouth for a
reason.” But his efforts were in vain, I was too focused on looking for a response to him, that I
didn’t even care about what he was really saying.
College has a way of making you a better listener, though. Surrounded by new
classmates, professors, and communities, I began to see that the moments I remembered most
from my first few weeks in college weren't the ones when I spoke, they were the ones when I
listened. I learned the most when I decided to take a pause and actually understand what people
were saying as opposed to just “waiting my turn” like usual. Moments like these were crucial to
understanding varying viewpoints and ideas.
Listening wasn’t always easy for me. It required slowing down long enough to
understand, before formulating my response. It meant facing ideas that unsettled me, realizing I
didn’t hold all the answers, and that I wasn’t the smartest person in the room. It meant that I had
to always offer my full attention, even when I disagreed. After years of formulating bad listening
habits, I had to develop good ones.
I found, though, that the more I listened the more I learned. I began to notice how easy
communication was when I didn’t see it as a one way street. I saw how respectful silence could
contribute more to a productive conversation than a dozen well-formed arguments. I found that
the conversations that changed me weren't the ones where I convinced someone of something,
they were the ones where I fully understood what the other person meant. In short, I saw how
listening to understand can completely change the way that we connect with others.
This lesson has changed the way that I view leadership, both in and out of the political
arena. The people I admire the most aren't the ones who are the loudest, or the most persuasive.
They’re the ones who make others feel understood, valued, and who don’t feel the need to fill
every silence. Leadership, I’ve come to realize, isn't about speaking the most, it’s about listening
with the intention to understand, so that you may serve the person you are talking to.
My first semester in college has taught me many lessons, but this one feels the most
lasting. Listening isn’t a weakness. It's empathy. It is the foundation of understanding, and maybe
leadership as well. When I think back to what my dad used to tell me, I finally understand what
he meant. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason, because sometimes the most powerful
thing that you can do begins with silence.
Christian is a McConnell Scholar at the University of Louisville in the class of 2029. He is studying history and political science with a minor in political marketing.