On Milestones

 By Jack Moseley

I’ve been reflecting on milestones lately.

When we were babies, our parents undoubtedly obsessed over our milestones. They anxiously wondered, “When will he roll over? When will he sit up? When will he crawl? When will he walk? When will he talk?”

Keeping track of such things is only natural.

Of course, parents are often consumed with worry; watching with great anticipation as their children grow. Comparing their child’s progress to that of other children, and discussing concerns with fellow parents, is a common practice to ensure their child is meeting expectations.

Incidentally, this practice tends to stick around past its expiration date.

One of life's few unavoidable experiences is the perpetual interrogation, the cattle-prod of small-talk, that forces us to confront our achievements and aspirations. The infamous “Where are you?” question. We're all familiar with its variations: the nosy "When will you finally get a girlfriend?", and the persistent "Where are you going to college?"—always followed shortly after by "And what are you majoring in?" And then there's the ever-present "When are you getting married?" and the inescapable "When will you bless us with grandkids?" that haunts us all.

Life is often viewed as a highway, with mile-markers that we are expected to pass like clockwork.
It’s as if the sequence and timeline of our lives are predetermined. Whether we consciouslyembrace this expectation is irrelevant—it’s deeply ingrained in our psyche, shaping the way we approach the world and informing us of our place in it.

The power of our expectations is such that they can shape the very contours of our reality. Specific expectations necessitate narrow bounds of action. As the canyon between our expectations and our reality inevitably widens, the pressure we feel mounts; becoming a relentless tide of stress and anxiety that threatens to overwhelm us.

Humanity is not a monolith, and as such, the concept of treating milestones as universal constants is ridiculous. Each of us is unimaginably different, with astonishingly diverse circumstances shaping the course of our lives. We are each like a pellet in the shotgun blast of fate, with unique trajectories that can neither be predicted nor controlled. Expecting everyone to hit the same target is absurd.

Now, I’m not saying that milestones are all pointless. I’m arguing that our obsession with these events, and the pressure we place on ourselves to achieve them, can make the path between them seem almost irrelevant. It’s crucial that we recognize the value of our individual journeys, and embrace the twists and turns that give our lives meaning.

As we navigate through life, it’s crucial to remember that our journey is not a race. Each of us has a unique path to follow. Comparing ourselves to others only yields feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. It is imperative to recognize that we are neither ahead nor behind; we are simply on our own journey.

Day by day, life passes by, oblivious to our preconceived notions. While milestones can provide us with a way to measure our progress, they can also hinder our potential by narrowing our tolerance levels. Overemphasis on specific milestones can cause us to miss out on the unexpected joys and opportunities that often arise when one deviates from their predetermined path.

Some of life’s most meaningful experiences do not fit neatly into the timeline of our lives. These moments, again and again, come from unexpected detours. They can be every bit as valuable in shaping our character as any milestone. By embracing these detours, we allow ourselves to be open to new possibilities and experiences.

I can’t claim to know how to achieve happiness. But I believe that thinking through this lens is a step in the right direction.

Jack Moseley is a McConnell Scholar in the class of 2025. He is studying neuroscience and political science at the University of Louisville.