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| Claire Gothard ('19) |
In my last undergraduate semester, I have been tasked with discussing Aristotle’s Nicomachean Ethics thrice. Apparently, the age-old question of how to live a happy life is answered in this ancient text (or, as Charles Murray told a group of us, “Groundhog Day” is a more than adequate replacement for reading the Ethics). Aristotle and his idea of the eudaimonia are seen as a golden standard of how to be happy. Recently, at an AEI seminar, we read the chapters on friendship. All too often, the conversation about transitions and graduation focuses on how individually we should have the courage and resilience and confidence to take a step out of the protective university environment and into the “real world.” One topic that is not frequently covered, and anecdotally may be the largest challenge of becoming an adult, is how to make and keep friends.
The idea of moving halfway across the world is thrilling and nerve-wracking. I have thrown myself into cultures from Cuba to Morocco to China, so I know that I have the flexibility and resilience to adapt and learn a language. Knowing my support system will be not only in another country, but going through the same cycles of loneliness and challenges is unsettling. During college, I have found a home in my location and my people. In leaving Louisville, Kentucky, I have been reflecting on who or what has shaped me the most. My friends and family have absolutely been that. At this transition time, I want to reflect on how to maintain and build anew friendships and support systems.
Aristotle explains the necessity of friendships. Tocqueville and Russell Kirk agree that about the structural differences between souls and types of friendships. A democratic soul tends toward a transactional nature that does not lend itself for resilient friendships, while an aristocratic soul holds friendships with duties, responsibilities, and love. C. S. Lewis expands on the aristocratic type, a true kind, or friendship. Friendship is the purest kind of love. The reverence one holds for fellow Friends leads to humility and appreciation. It also leads to an aristocratic exclusivity. Transporting and exposing these Friendship circles is difficult because of the air of perceived superiority.
Aristocratic friendship necessitates a hierarchy. Democratic friendship is shallow and transactional. However, Friendship, one built on a deep connection, is resiliency. Deep connection and meaningful conversations help build thick society that Tocqueville and Burke reference. Moving across the world, the country, or even across town can put stress on these circles, but will not break them. Groups of Friends are bound by an understanding of sameness. They are always welcome to additional members and do not come with the myriad of conditions a democratic friendship.
I turned to the authors before me to understand how to manage this transition. They have reminded me how resilient people are in friendships and individually. It will take work, but when you have real Friends, the bond is what enriches life. No matter our location, we will still be connected.
Claire Gothard, of Louisville, Ky., is a senior McConnell Scholar at the University of Louisville, where she studies economics, political science, international business and Middle East and Islamic studies. She is an active member of the UofL Honors Program and received the Henry Vogt Scholarship. Claire was named the 2016 National College Youth in Government Outstanding Cabinet Member.